After being home in Kennesaw, Georgia for 3 days, it is apparent that I will be staying here for a little while.  It's been an interesting process trying to adjust to life here compared to life on the Race.  I spent an hour and a half yesterday just driving around and parking in several locations to sit with the Lord.  I had no direction as far as where I was going so I was wandering rather aimlessly.  As I was journaling and reflecting, I likened the re-entry process to something like climbing back through the wardrobe from Narnia.

 

 A friend of mine asked me if I felt like it was more of a dream that I was here and that the Race was a reality or the other way around.  I could only answer both.  I was sitting in Olive Garden with my family feeling like I was dreaming and that I would wake up in the dirt in Africa sweating in my tent.  I also, at moments, felt as if the last 11 months were just a flash in my mind because of how everything felt "the same" at home.  My mind and heart have been bouncing between locations, between two worlds.  I have not felt cohesiveness....yet.  I've been living in a world for the past 11 months that seemed so different from the world that I came from.  It was magical but real, it was different but the same.  And when I returned home 3 days ago, after the most adventurous and life-changing 11 months of my life, it felt as if I had just left in some ways.  Sure, time has passed, people have changed, but the "world" seems the same to me.  And I stepped back into it thinking that so much has happened over the past year for it to be so similar to before.

 

So it flows into one continuous life.  Yes, in seasons, but life.  As I'm starting this new season, it has been important to bring closure to the previous one.  Saying goodbye to family, ending the Race well, and cutting my hair (which happened to be a pretty emotional experience for me).  It's the closing of the old and the welcoming of the new.  My prayer is that God would show me how to see The World Race in Kennesaw, Georgia.  How to see experiences I've had out in the world in this new environment.  How to serve, love, and share with the people here what I've seen on The World Race.  I pray for the two worlds to be one and for my heart to not be divided.  Thank you Lord that you operate in seasons, I praise you for each and every one...

I am anxious.  For the last couple weeks it has intensified.  I worry even though God tells me not to.  I think about how life was prior to the Race and how my life is now and it is shockingly different.  I think about my view of the world before and what it is now, I think about how I can "blend" this life with the prior and it stresses me out.  I am anxious and I need prayer.

 

Since I left for the Race, my perspective on MANY things has changed.  I have seen God use others as well as myself in ways that are unimaginable, inexplicable.  I've seen the Holy Spirit touch lives.  I've seen people healed physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  I've seen demons attacking and being cast out of people.  I've seen some of the most beautiful things God has created on this earth.  All of these things have helped to shape how I VIEW the world and his purpose for me in it.  There is a stark difference between how I viewed the world before compared to how I see it now.  It's frighteningly different.  I cannot deny his power.  I cannot deny his will.  Sure, I can do certain things in my own free will, but my heart and head agree that I cannot deny with my lifestyle who He is and what He has done in me, through me, and in the world this year.  Knowing this....

 

How do I blend the world I once knew with the world I now know?  How do I bridge the gap?   The world in the US has been on pause for me for the past 11 months, but the reality is that it has moved on.  Places, people, things have all changed.  Habits I had when I left will be waiting for me to tempt me to pick them back up.  Prior relationships have changed and some have fallen away.  Friends are engaged, a new job waits one week after I return, and my family has advanced one year without me.  I am anxious about re-entry.

 

I feel as though I peaked about midway during the Race.  I feel that I was running on all cylinders.  That I could conquer the world and all in Jesus' name.  Crazy huh?  But it feels like that when we're fully operating in our giftedness and our obedience.  The second half has been a struggle for different reasons.  The pressing reality that home is just around the corner, the fact that community life takes its toll on you and drains your energy, and the lulls of feeling inadequate or underused that are brought on by the enemy.  It has been a battle.  However....I am grateful for it!  I would be sorely disappointed if I ended on a spiritual high only to come back to the states and lose it two months later.  Instead, God has me in this place.  In realizing that home isn't so different from the rest of the world.  The same troubles, temptations, problems, enemies exist there and out here.  He is preparing me even though I have anxiety right now.  I know that will pass.  

 

As I am processing these past 11 months in less than a week, please pray that God will finish what he has started in me for this season.  That he will prepare my heart for "what's next".  That I can adjust and trust him with the outcome.  That I can view the next part of my life as only a season.  That I will remain Kingdom-minded and maintain a global perspective.  I appreciate all of your support and I am EXCITED to see you upon my return. 

Well, despite the fact that my Birthday Buddy Burrows wasn't there, my 24th bday was pretty awesome!

 

Every time I've been into a dump site it has been both a trying and rewarding experience.  Trying simply because the conditions are horrendous and I can't understand how people can live in these places.  And rewarding, well, I'll get to that....

 

Seven of us set out yesterday for Managua on an ATL mission.  For those of you who aren't familiar with it, ATL stands for "ask the Lord" which basically means we haven't the slightest idea or clue what we're gonna do in this place.  When we arrived at the dump site La Chureca, we separated into two groups.  Molly, Seth, Kari, and Pastor Manuel went one way while Krystle, Jeanette and I went another.  We were told not to be wearing any jewelry and not to bring any valuables with us.  There are many "ladrones" that live in the dumps and they will rip off whatever they see that interests them, at least that's what we were told before entering. 

 

The place reeked of rotten stale filth.  Kids as young as 8 and 9 years old were working alongside adults sifting through the trash to find the plastic, glass, and paper products that they could sell as recyclables.  This was how they were going to survive.  Day after day of searching for the valuables in a pile of garbage.  When Krystle, Jeanette, and I separated from the others, we prayed in our hearts for the Holy Spirit's guidance and direction.  We honestly had no clue why were we there or what we would be doing but our hearts were open.  After a little bit of walking, we were getting a little restless and felt like we could be wasting our time.  Then Krystle said, "it feels as though we're here just watching them and seeing how they live and not really doing anything."  Literally, moments after she said that, a woman yelled at us from across the way.  She was asking where we were going.  So I responded by asking here if she wanted to come with us.  She immediately threw her trash down, ran over to us, hugged and kissed all of us and introduced herself.

 

 Michelle is her name.  She is 27 years old, married with twin daughters.  She moved to La Chureca with her family when she was 7 years old and has known little else apart from it.  Michelle is full of energy, vibrant, and joyful.  You would hardly guess that she works as hard and as long as she does day after day.  She walked us over to see the lake that bordered the dump.  It was gorgeous to see a beautiful lake set behind such a garbage heap.  Over and over again I've seen how God's creation has been used as a reminder to people who live in terrible living conditions.  It's like it's his way of saying, "I'm here too, not just with the upper-middle class city people."  Just after seeing the lake, it started pouring down rain.  I don't mean just a sprinkle either.  We were stuck in the middle of La Chureca without umbrellas or rain jackets.  Upon seeing this, Michelle quickly ran toward a trash pile in search of something.  She dug out a small blue tarp and proceeded to brush the dirt off of it.  She returned to Krystle and held it above their heads to protect them from the rain doing all of it with a smile on her face.  Michelle had already given Krystle a ring as a token of friendship, now this.  While we were huddled under the tarp, she continued to tell us about her situation.  Michelle is anemic and malnourished.  She lost a nephew who died because of anemia.  Her family has nothing, I mean really nothing.  Her daughters go to school where they at least get one meal a day.  Michelle needs vitamins in order to aid her stomach so she can eat some things.  Her husband works hard almost all day it seems to provide for his family.  He is a sweet man as well.

 

She then walked the 3 of us over to her house.  It wasn't much to look at and was falling apart.  Upon entering, we could see one double bed that took up nearly the entire room.  Her twins would sleep on that bed while her and her husband slept on the floor.  She also offered the girls bread (the last load she had) and dry shirts to change into.  How?  I seriously don't understand God's grace.  I mean, it's wonderful and great, but what in the world?!?!  I've seen this story over and over again about how short-term mission teams go to a place with a mindset of blessing the people and they walk away 100 times more blessed.  It always happens.  Still, even knowing that, I'm broken.  Michelle had absolutely nothing, not only that, it's not like we "deserved"  anything that she offered us.  But she was willing to give it to us freely.  She informed us that she was a Christian and showed off her Bible and how she had been learning to read it for the last 3 years.  She has a heart of gold.  We prayed over her and her family, gave her our sandwiches that we had for lunch and departed in hopes of seeing her again on Thursday.

 

 We went to La Chureca only knowing that we were going to a garbage dump.  But what we found in there was beautiful.  It was God's love in action toward us.  It was selfless, pure, and honest.  It was Michelle.

 

We are now in our final ministry location of The World Race in a place called Jinotepe, Nicaragua.  We travel by truck to our work site everyday which is in Diriamba, about 15 minutes away.  La Quinta is a church property that sits in the middle of one of the barrios of Diriamba.  There is a church, a medical clinic, a children's home, and TONS of mango trees.  Every day we head over there to do construction, play with the kids, and visit the barrio.  We are currently preparing for a carnival in a different barrio that will be on July 13th.  I think I signed up to be a mime, so we'll see how that goes (I guess I won't be helping translate that day).  All and all it's been a lot of hard work, mainly on my back.  Seth and I have been putting this sidewalk on the side of the church building.  Each stone block weighs roughly 115 lbs, so needless to say, it's strenuous work. 

So we're at this point in The Race where it's getting harder and harder to NOT think about the next step.  What's gonna happen when we get home?  How do we maintain our focus here when there are things that we feel like we MUST take care of at home?  All of my team is going through this, and I'm sure every previous racer has gone through it at some point or another.  So what do we do about it?

 

As we've been doing our team devotions, God has reminded me of a couple things.  One, He has been telling me not to view going back to the US as going home....it's not.  Of course I call it home, but the reality of it is that I view it as the "next" country.  There are still ministry contacts there, there are still hurting and broken people there, so God is calling me to be there for a season.  But it is not my home.  Two, He has been telling me to "remember".  Remember all of the times that I've been in his presence this year.  All of the times that I've seen him work.  It's no wonder he was constantly reminding the Israelites to remember.  They always seemed to forget and slip back into old ways or even sin. 

It's important for us as we're coming off this Race to remember.  The race doesn't end here in Nicaragua, it keeps going.  That should propel us onward.  It's exciting to me to know that this doesn't end here!  We are never going to be the same.  What we've seen, what we've experienced, it has altered my global perspective.

 

I'm trying my hardest to be fully present out here, but it's hard when you at least have a plan for the next step when you get back.  I feel like it comes down to just remembering who we are.  We are ambassadors.  We represent Christ in whatever country/location/city/neighborhood we're in.  That doesn't change, only the location does.  So as we are finishing up here, please be praying that we remember who we are in Him, what he has done in us, through us, and for us this year.  It's getting harder and harder.  We're tired, exhausted, and homesick.  But this isn't supposed to be easy, is it?